Are you here because you are feeling down and not able to lift your spirits?
Coping with a recent death? I know what grief feels like too.
In 1989 I lost my Dad, after he contracted Legionnaires Disease. It was a slow and horrible way to die. Similar to covid in many ways.
In June 2018 my Brother-in-Law died in his bed, aged 52 totally unexpectedly.
In September 2018 my grief-struck Father-In-Law fell over, hit his head, and died 3 days later. Totally heartbroken after losing Michael he had quite simply lost the will to live. So, I know what grieving is all about.
Back in 1991, I did not understand the process of grief. I now reflect on Dad’s death and know that it changed me in subtle ways that I did not recognize at the time. The experience of bereavement and loss planted roots in my lifelong interest in complementary medicine and the importance of a positive mindset.
Covid has brought about many deaths. Many totally unexpected.
The feelings of grief can also be caused by changes in our life, divorce, moving or changing jobs. Grief can affect us in different ways.
4 Dimensions of Death
We all deal with grief in a wide variety of ways involving the four (4) dimensions of our lives:
Pain and raw emotions are very real.
Give Yourself Time and Space
You must have time to grieve. You could use mindfulness to help focus on the goodness of life and it’s OK to cry alot.
The suffering that we endured and the stress that we, his family and friends experienced, further opened up the desire to help others that suffer.
- Even though we all experience grief in our own unique way, we do typically go through some or all of the following emotions.
- Guilt– for the things you did or didn’t say or do
- A deep sadness – often feeling “dead” inside
- Shock and disbelief – why me, why us?
- Fear of the future – how will I continue?
- Anger against the circumstance or the people that took your loved one away from you.
- A physical response – Bereavement, and grief can actually result in physical ailments and emotional dysfunction. You may lose or gain weight; feel continually sick; come down with infections because your immune system is suffering; be continually exhausted and it’s not uncommon to suffer from insomnia and aches and pains when you very rarely did before the event.
Here are 6 ways that may help you cope with your grief:-
1. Talk to someone about your feelings. A friend, a family member, or a trained professional.
2. Make some lifestyle choices that will help you take control.
3. Find some new ways to cope with insomnia.
4. Listen to wellbeing podcasts, and read some books about grief so you understand what you are going through.
5. Search out mindfulness videos on YouTube or find a mindfullness class online.
6. Stick to a routine so that you get up, get dressed, and get exercise each day.
Looking after yourself is not a “waste” of time, it’s part of the journey of grief, and remember you are not alone.
My own experience backed this up, although back in 1991 I had no knowledge or understanding of what or how self-care was so important I’ve now spent 25 years as a massage therapist and i’ve spoken with many people suffering from grief.
When covid is over why not book a massage – the human touch will help to diminish your feelings of empty space and connect you with the rest of your body. Slowly, time will heal.
You may be saying “sorry” to those you are in contact with many of my clients used to say “oh I know it’s silly to be so upset so long after it happened”, or they feel that their friends and family are “fed up” with hearing and seeing them so upset.
I too have suffered, I understand what you are saying and feeling and I would like to help in some small way.
My Mindset Matters blog posts will grow with time so sign up to my newsletters and let’s connect.
We all need a way of bringing balance back into our life.